Walking into a family court hearing for the first time is one of the most daunting experiences a person can face. This guide tells you exactly what to expect — before, during, and after — in plain English, with no legal jargon.
I wrote this guide because I know exactly what it feels like to face a family court hearing for the first time without a lawyer beside you.
I am a qualified solicitor — and I have spent the last two years as a litigant in person myself, defending a complex High Court claim against one of London's most prestigious law firms. I know what it is to sit in a court building not quite knowing what is about to happen, what to say when the judge speaks to you, or whether you have prepared the right things.
The family court system is not designed to be hostile to litigants in person — but it can feel that way when you do not know what to expect. The paperwork is confusing. The language is unfamiliar. And the stakes — your children, your home, your family — could not be higher.
This guide will not replace a lawyer. But it will take away the fear of the unknown. By the time you finish reading it, you will know exactly what your first hearing will look like, what the judge is trying to achieve, what you should say, what you should bring, and what happens next.
You can do this. Thousands of people represent themselves in family court every year. With the right preparation, you can present your case clearly and be heard fairly.
— Eugene Pienaar, EqualJustice
Before most family court applications can be made, you are required to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). This is a private meeting with a trained mediator — not a court hearing — where you discuss whether mediation might resolve your dispute without going to court at all.
There are exemptions from the MIAM requirement — for example, in cases involving domestic abuse, or where the matter is urgent. Your application form (C100 for child arrangements) includes a section where you identify whether any exemption applies.
Since 2024, parties are required to complete Form FM5 — a statement setting out their position on Non-Court Dispute Resolution — before the first hearing. This is in addition to the MIAM requirement. You must file and serve Form FM5 at least 7 days before your first hearing. Failing to do so may have cost consequences.
Once your C100 application has been issued by the court, the following will happen:
Usually within 4–6 weeks of the application being issued. You will receive a notice of hearing telling you the date, time, and court.
The court (or you, depending on the order made) serves the application on the respondent — the other parent. They have a set time to respond.
The Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS) will contact both of you separately by telephone before the first hearing. This is routine. They will ask about safeguarding concerns and prepare a brief report for the judge.
For most first hearings, you should prepare a short Position Statement — typically 1 to 2 pages — setting out your current position and what you are seeking. It should be filed with the court and served on the other party at least 3 days before the hearing.
Keep a dedicated folder — physical or digital — for all court documents, correspondence, and notes. Every time you receive something from the court or the other party, date-stamp it and put it in the folder. Organised litigants in person make a much better impression than disorganised ones — and are far more effective in court.
Many people are anxious about the CAFCASS call. Here is what to know:
Do not use the CAFCASS call to make a long list of complaints about the other parent. Focus on the key safeguarding issues — if any — and what arrangements you believe are in your child's best interests. Officers and judges respond better to child-focused, reasoned positions than to lists of grievances.
Family courts in England and Wales sit in a variety of buildings — from purpose-built court centres to local county courts. Whatever the building, the layout and procedure of the hearing itself is broadly the same.
Aim to arrive at least 30 minutes before your listed hearing time. This gives you time to pass through security, find the right waiting room, let court staff know you have arrived, and speak with your McKenzie Friend if you have one.
You will pass through airport-style security — bag scanner and body scanner. Do not bring anything you would not take through airport security.
Family courts have separate waiting areas for each party — you will not usually have to sit in the same room as the other party before the hearing. When you arrive, let the court usher or clerk know you are there. They will direct you to the appropriate waiting area.
If the other party or their solicitor wants to speak with you before the hearing — sometimes called a "without prejudice" discussion — you are not obliged to engage. You may simply say you prefer to address matters in front of the judge. However, if an agreement can be reached before going in, this is often in everyone's interests, particularly regarding children.
Family hearings — particularly those involving children — are almost always held in private. This means members of the public cannot attend. The hearing may take place in a formal courtroom, or in a smaller, less formal hearing room. Do not be surprised if the room is relatively small.
The layout is typically:
Dress smartly but comfortably. You do not need to wear a suit — but you should look as though you are taking the hearing seriously. Avoid anything too casual. First impressions matter, even in relatively informal hearings.
Understanding who each person in the courtroom is, and what their role is, will make you feel significantly more comfortable.
First hearings in child arrangements cases are usually heard by a District Judge, a Deputy District Judge, or a Magistrates' bench (a panel of lay magistrates assisted by a legal adviser). More complex cases may be heard by a Circuit Judge.
Judges at first hearings are not there to decide who is right and who is wrong — they are there to identify the issues and see whether an agreement can be reached. They will ask questions of both parties and may make temporary (interim) orders if needed.
How to address the judge:
Do not address the judge as "Judge" — always use the correct form of address above. Starting your remarks with "Your Honour" or "Sir/Ma'am" immediately signals to the court that you know how proceedings work.
The other parent will be present. They may or may not have a solicitor or barrister representing them. If they are represented and you are not, do not be intimidated. Judges are experienced in managing hearings where one party is unrepresented, and they will ensure you have a fair opportunity to be heard.
A CAFCASS Family Court Adviser (FCA) may attend the first hearing. They will have prepared a brief safeguarding letter or report based on their telephone calls with both parties and their background checks. The judge will have read this before the hearing. The CAFCASS officer can speak at the hearing and may be asked by the judge to outline their findings and any concerns.
There will be a court clerk or legal adviser in the room. They assist the judge with procedural matters and take a note of the hearing. They are not there to help either party.
If you have instructed a McKenzie Friend, they will sit directly beside you throughout the hearing. They can take notes, quietly advise you, and help you organise your documents. They cannot speak to the judge unless the judge specifically grants them permission. See Chapter 6 for more detail.
In child arrangements cases, the first hearing is formally called the First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment (FHDRA). This name tells you a great deal about its purpose — it is designed not just to hear the case, but to try to resolve it, or at least narrow the issues in dispute.
At an FHDRA, the judge has three main objectives:
The judge will confirm who is present, that they have read the papers, and ask the CAFCASS officer (if present) to summarise their safeguarding findings.
The applicant (usually) goes first, then the respondent. You will be asked to briefly summarise what you are seeking and why. Keep this focused — one to two minutes is usually appropriate at a first hearing. Your position statement, if you prepared one, should have done the heavy lifting.
The judge may ask questions of both parties. Answer clearly and directly. Do not take questions as accusations — they are simply the judge trying to understand the case.
The judge will almost always ask whether any agreement has been reached or could be reached. Sometimes the judge will suggest adjourning briefly for both parties to discuss matters. This is normal and positive — it means the judge is trying to help you avoid further litigation.
Whether or not agreement is reached, the judge will make some form of order. This might be a consent order recording what you have agreed, an interim order for arrangements in the meantime, directions for further evidence or reports, or a date for the next hearing.
An FHDRA is typically listed for 30 to 60 minutes. However, courts run on a list system — multiple hearings are listed at the same time — and your case may not be called until later in the morning or afternoon. Expect to wait. Bring something to read, and do not make any fixed commitments for that day.
If you reach agreement with the other party before or during the hearing, the judge can record this in a consent order. A consent order is legally binding — just like an order made after a contested hearing. Make sure you understand and agree with every term before the judge makes it an order. Do not feel pressured to agree to something you are uncomfortable with just because you are in a courtroom.
This is very common. It does not mean the hearing has failed. The judge will give directions — formal instructions about what needs to happen before the next hearing. This might include:
You must comply with all directions by the dates set. Failure to do so is taken seriously by the court and can result in costs orders or your application being struck out.
This is the chapter most people want to reach straight away. The fear of not knowing what to say in court is one of the most common anxieties a litigant in person faces. The good news is that first hearings are far less formal than people expect — and the judge will help guide you through.
The judge may open by asking you to confirm your name and address, and to confirm that you have read the papers. Respond clearly and simply.
"Your Honour, my name is [NAME]. I am the applicant in this matter. I have read the application and the CAFCASS safeguarding letter. I am here today seeking a [child arrangements / specific issue / prohibited steps] order in respect of [CHILD'S NAME]."
When asked to outline your position, be concise. Focus on what you want and why it is in your child's best interests. Avoid going through a list of complaints about the other parent — unless those complaints relate directly to safeguarding.
"Your Honour, I am seeking a child arrangements order for [CHILD] to live with me and spend time with [OTHER PARENT] on a [proposed schedule]. I believe this arrangement is in [CHILD]'s best interests because [reason — stability, schooling, existing pattern, etc.]. I have set out my full position in my position statement which I understand the court has seen."
If the other party says something inaccurate, wait until it is your turn to speak. Do not interrupt. Then address it calmly.
"Your Honour, the [applicant / respondent] has said [X]. I would like to address that briefly. My understanding is [correct version of events]. I have [document / evidence] that supports this if the court would find it helpful."
Family court proceedings use terms you may not be familiar with. It is entirely acceptable to say you do not understand something and to ask for clarification.
"Your Honour, I apologise — I am not sure I understood the term [X]. Would you mind explaining what that means in practice?"
Before responding to any question, take a brief pause. It looks confident, not uncertain. It gives you a moment to gather your thoughts. And it means you are far less likely to say something you did not intend to say. Judges are experienced and patient — they will not think less of you for taking a moment.
You have the right to be assisted by a McKenzie Friend at your family court hearing. This right is well-established in English law and is protected by the Practice Guidance issued by the Master of the Rolls and the President of the Family Division. A court can only refuse a McKenzie Friend for compelling reasons — and it is rare for them to do so.
You must notify the court and the other party in advance that you intend to have a McKenzie Friend present. The best practice is to write to the court at least 3 days before the hearing, stating your McKenzie Friend's name and confirming that they understand their role and the duty of confidentiality. EqualJustice can assist you with this notification.
When the hearing begins, you should inform the judge immediately that you have a McKenzie Friend with you.
"Your Honour, before we begin I should let the court know that I have a McKenzie Friend with me today. His/her name is [NAME]. I have notified the court and the other party of his/her attendance in advance."
A professional McKenzie Friend with legal knowledge — particularly one who has been a litigant in person themselves — can make a significant difference to your experience of a hearing. Not just in keeping you calm and organised, but in quietly flagging points you may have missed, helping you phrase your responses clearly, and ensuring you do not overlook anything important when the judge is giving directions at the end of the hearing.
At the end of the hearing, the judge will make an order. You may receive a written copy at court, or it may be sent to you by post within a few days. Read it carefully. Check that it accurately records what was agreed or directed. If there is an error, contact the court promptly.
The order will contain directions — formal requirements that you must comply with by specified dates. These might include:
Treat every direction as a deadline that must not be missed. Courts take compliance seriously. If you are unable to comply with a direction by the set date, you must apply to the court promptly for an extension — do not simply ignore it.
The court may have made an interim order — a temporary arrangement for your child while the case continues. This is not a final decision. It is intended to provide stability and continuity while the full case is resolved. You must comply with the interim order even if you disagree with it. If you believe it is seriously harmful to your child, you should seek urgent legal advice.
The court will list the next hearing — usually a Dispute Resolution Appointment (DRA) or, if significant issues remain unresolved, a Final Hearing. Prepare for the next step as soon as possible after the first hearing, while everything is fresh in your mind.
Use this checklist in the days before your hearing. Tick each item as you complete it.
You have read this guide. You know what to expect. You know what to say and how to say it. You know who will be in the room and what the judge is trying to achieve. That puts you significantly ahead of where most people are when they face their first hearing.
Be honest. Be calm. Be focused on your child's best interests. And remember — you are allowed to be there, and you are allowed to be heard.
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